Belonging, Trust, Following, Personal Space and dips!

So i had a salsa class the other night, the last one of beginners 1 (beginners 2 starts next week) and almost as an add-on the instructor decided to teach us a dip.
Yours truly of course has major trust issues and even bigger personal space issues. This reminded me too much of those silly trust games you do in high school where you fall back and the person has to catch you, I couldn't do those games and always stepped back rather then fall. It also required too much of an invasion of personal space to be done correctly. The two combined meant that every time we tried a dip (regardless of which partner I was dancing with) I stiffened, pulled back, stepped back and rather then dip straight I ended up arching my back meaning it was awkward for the guy, painful for my back and generally a disaster to watch. I got home and proceeded to get my brother to try dipping me, and voila!! It actually worked! Got me thinking that perhaps I need to trust someone implicitly in order to allow them into my personal space. Wondered a lot about my refusing to let God get into "my personal space" to work on the things that I refuse to let go of, such old wounds, hurts, favorite sins, my hard outer shell that I put in to so much effort to maintain so that I can alienate all those that attempt to penetrate it. I wonder if I’m refusing him access to this personal space because I don't trust him, because I don't know him. The guys in the class said that the dips will get easier as I get to know the classmates as I trust them more.......I wonder if my lack of faith is due to my not knowing HIM well enough that I haven’t spent enough time “dancing” with him to trust him to lead, to know his intentions are good to really believe that the plans he had for me are “plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to bring me a hope and a future” *sigh*…………kind of fits really well with him saying to me “oh ye of little faith why did you doubt” I kind of feel Him saying that every time things work out for the best despite me stepping back, stiffening resisting arching my back and causing myself much un-required pain, when He says it he’s laughing telling me to trust. I’m kind of afraid that one day He’ll say it when it’s too late with tears in his eyes.
Friday night was a weekly social night, had a blast dancing the night away, amazed at the difference it makes when the guy knows how to lead well and knows what he’s doing makes, it really made me feel like I was dancing……I’ve spoken before about leadership so I’m not going to do it again
Had a really interesting discussion with one of my registrars about belonging though, he’s from Zimbabwe and was saying that the worst thing that could happen to him was for him to die outside his homeland, he wanted to go with “African soil in his hands”, his attachment to a country/continent really captivated me as I’ve never felt even remotely attached to any place. He said that one has to have a sense of “belonging” somewhere, that it should apply to a place, he said that surely I feel like that about Melbourne, I said I felt Melbourne was home cause that’s where my family and friends were, but if they were on the moon I’d feel attached to the moon. I wonder if as Christians we’re meant to feel that kind of attachment to our heavenly kingdom that despite being miles away we still yearn for it, still feel it flowing in our blood, like this guy described Africa flowing in his blood. It was a really enlightening discussion

Fri night was the Ash Cash Bash for the doctors………anyone who is under the impression that they are a respectable bunch is encouraged to attend these functions, I stuck my head in after salsa just to say hi so I wasn’t completely anti-social, by that stage everyone was totally drunk, the couple of girls I knew proceeded to stumble over and proclaim my presence at the top of their lungs, the place was loud, so you needed to lean in to hear anyone, at the risk of them falling all over you, it was dark and everyone was in costume so you could barely recognize anyone. I left pretty quickly wondering what the point of it all was. Was the only way these people could connect with one another on any significant level was to get so drunk as to be come totally disinhibited? I became so glad for my friends who aren’t like that, who know how to connect with each other without alcohol. The whole thing was so bizarre to me despite having seen it before. Anyways live and learn